Confessional

I almost cried… Almost. It’s been way to long since my last confession. Please forgive me for I have sinned.  I got caught up with moving from one hood to another hood, then back to the first hood 6 weeks later after the shit was literally about to hit the fan. In which time asshat that went to CA came back, I was stupid and believed his vile, I ended up in Jail for the night, he ended up in jail for 3 months, that wasn’t enough it took hair pulling, a black eye, and pure hatred-now he is on my on the top of my death list right under my very first love. It’s ironic how life works.

On the positive side my black eye healed. I went to a Cannibal Corpse show a few days after it happened and used the mosh pit as the excuse. Fuck my life.

I’ve been single since the beginning of December, I’ve been on temp lay off from work since that time as well. Isn’t it great how life works! Get rid of one problem and another one pops up. I hated the job anyway but being broke sucks. Which is why I’m going back to school for business.

For the first time in a long long time I am in a good place. I’m enroll in school, haven’t smoked a cigarette in a week, I’ve been clean and sober for a good while, I cut out sugar and carbs; it’s time to do me and stop living for other people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Just breathe

Here we are again, anxiety and myself have a sick twisted relationship.

Sometimes I can control it, lately I’ve been struggling. 

Heart beating like I’ve been hiking a mountain, hands sweaty and trembling, head spinning with thoughts and memories.

I’m a prisoner held captive inside my own head.

Just breath… it doesn’t fucking help, makes me want to puke.

I hate that my body, my brain, my soul, they are all screaming different commands and I don’t know how to react.

Death isn’t the answer life is but how to do live when you don’t know how.

I will live, I will survive, I will learn how to control this demon.

Everyday that passes is another step forward.