The memories are all that remain
It took the death of hope to let you go
I told you before I opened you up
And then you
Shut me down
It’s entirely too early to pick just one song to fit my current emotions, but its going to be an angry one.
I went to bed last night with my alarm set for 8am and I made a promise to myself I would get up, start working on my project and make today my bitch. It never fails, without you even initiating it you were the first thing grabbing my attention as I wake up abrubtly from the sound of my phone ringing at 7:45. You couldn’t even let me sleep till my alarm asshole.
It was your boss man, you know the one that applauded you for making an effort to face your responsibilites, the one they gave you a chance and believed in you, the one that I suspect you already knew was also suspicious of your irradic behavior. He wanted to let me know he had confirmation your friend Dick had indeed brought you to the airport. I really don’t like Dick, Dick should have helped you get treatment, not run away. But Dick has wanted you gone for a long time, he was always jealous of you and ate your pain and suffering up for his own enjoyment. But enough about Dick, he’ll reap what he sows-
Your boss really liked you and is hurt just like the rest of us you refused to get help. Hurt that you couldn’t even let him know you were leaving. But you know no one cares about you, no one wants to see you succeed, everyone was just using you. You made sure to turn every single persons life who gave a fuck about you upside down in your tornado of confusion and denial.
Exhale- is what you want, is what you need -And what you need is what you really really want? I’m not in your head but I’m scared for you. Your not me, you will never be me, I’ve dealt with feelings you haven’t even to accept you have yet. You can’t keep up your act forever, if there is anything I’ve learned from being a fuck ass person to the people that loved me, it’s you can’t run from your demons. They live inside you and it’s their mission to fuck you. When you think things are going good they smack you in the chest with pain and anguish. You can’t be happy after you’ve caused so much pain. I tried to save you from making the same mistakes I did, and ended up making the same mistakes right along with you all over again even though I knew better. Because I loved you and didn’t want you to suffer alone. I wanted to better myself by helping you, I thought I could make up for all the bad I did by making you better.
I can’t make anyone better but myself. I am already better, I will always be one step ahead of you and you will live the rest of your life trying to reach my level.
Have mother fucking fun your little bitch. I have a song for you…
I’m too busy being calm to disappear…
I was dreading today. It’s not like I haven’t dreaded a thousand before, but just because you’ve been though hell already it doesn’t make it any easier to be transported there again. How the hell did I end up here again God dammit! But remember he only gives you what he built you to handle. Fuck off, it still hurts.
I will not be downed- I refuse to go under and- will see you screaming. Maybe if someone would have screamed at me, opened my eyes to my thoughtless scheming I would not be here writing this today.
So as I sit here, alone, trying not to drown myself- I thumb through the pages of my fantasies. You made me feel alive, you pushed me to do better when no one else could and I don’t even think you were trying, I wanted to be better for you, you made me love myself again, gave me hope when I was at the bottom looking up at you; where did you go? You’ve been gone for way longer than just the past 6 days. You’ve been gone in your head for years and I stood by as you you did me.
Then you betrayed me, and betrayed me, AND BETRAYED ME. I gave you everything and believed your poison narcaccistic lies again, again, again, over and over. I dedicate this song to you. My hate will not be bound, I will see you mother fucking screaming.
So why are you writing a blog Tally? My inner thoughts are eroding away at my heart and if I don’t get them out of my I may not make it out with any heart left to love anyone else with. Which at this point I could give a fuck about, but I still have some rational sense deep within. One day I’ll want to shave my legs again, here soon I’ll need a piece of ass and it’ll be time to go outside and play. But currently I’m on my own personal house arrest. There are people out there, in the south everyone knows your business, I can’t face my reality yet. So I’m doing what I know best, letting music help me deal with my emotions as I shut everyone out. I must be making progress, I’m sure someone will stumble upon this and take interest.
The first step to admitting you have a problem. Hi my name is Tallahassee and I’m addicted to loving people I cannot change. I think I can fix the broken, mentor the lost, make men out of boys… When is it time for someone to put all that effort into me? Now, I am making a conscious effort to work on myself with help of some of my favorite Rock Stars.
If you can feel the lyrics, if they grab you and take you to a place where you can escape your personal hell; you’ll never be alone. Someone else has walked down the same path as you and made it out to tell you it’ll be ok. Right, it’ll be ok?
Unfortunately I do not have cookies. I actually have this prepetutal feeling I’m on the verge of exiling the pit of my stomach.
Hi my name is Tallahasee and I’m a tragedy addict. I’m not even really sure myelf what that means, but I feel as we continue down this road together that may make more sense soon.
Also for all legality purposes the names of the individuals involved in this tragic love story have been changed to protect their identity.
I should also be sure to add a parental advisory warning. I like to use a variety of colorful words to describe my dark reality so this blog is for mature audiences only, this is your courtesy warning.
I own no rights to any of the music reviewed in this blog. Please make sure to support your local music scene. Only you can prevent shitty music.