I was dreading today. It’s not like I haven’t dreaded a thousand before, but just because you’ve been though hell already it doesn’t make it any easier to be transported there again. How the hell did I end up here again God dammit! But remember he only gives you what he built you to handle. Fuck off, it still hurts.
I will not be downed- I refuse to go under and- will see you screaming. Maybe if someone would have screamed at me, opened my eyes to my thoughtless scheming I would not be here writing this today.
So as I sit here, alone, trying not to drown myself- I thumb through the pages of my fantasies. You made me feel alive, you pushed me to do better when no one else could and I don’t even think you were trying, I wanted to be better for you, you made me love myself again, gave me hope when I was at the bottom looking up at you; where did you go? You’ve been gone for way longer than just the past 6 days. You’ve been gone in your head for years and I stood by as you you did me.
Then you betrayed me, and betrayed me, AND BETRAYED ME. I gave you everything and believed your poison narcaccistic lies again, again, again, over and over. I dedicate this song to you. My hate will not be bound, I will see you mother fucking screaming.